Here is my declaration to the world; I am not taking anymore drastic measures to try and get pregnant. That's right I'm done, finished! And boy does it feel good to come to that conclusion.
It took us just shy of 5 years into our marriage to get Jake and now we have been trying another 4 years since we had Jake (since he was about 2) cumulative that is ...count em, 9 years!
9 years and 65 pounds later and I am soooooo done! I've been depressed, I've had heartbreaking miscarriages, I have tried everything I can that medicine can offer with the exception of in-vitro, which I don't have a spare $25,000 to do it and my chances are cut in half because of my weight, so we are done.
Goodbye nasty shots and horrific hormones, goodbye basal body temperature charts and ovulation predictor kits, goodbye hot flashes, severe mood swings, bouts of crying and anger, and goodbye severe headaches and nasty time-of-the-month yuck, I won't miss you.
Judge me if you want, you won't change my mind. I have learned through this process that unless you are me and Jeff you can't know how we feel so don't compare. My heart breaks for my sister who is childless and my sister and brother-in-law who are in a similar situation. I went through 4+ years of that so I remember, but I don't know really how either of them feel or how difficult it has been for them personally so all I can do is pray for the baby from China to come for Brad and Julie and that someday Kath and Derrick are able to have their own or adopt. Secondary fertility has it's own nastiness. Your body has done it once right, why not again??? Not in the cards..........
Our society is so focused on how many kids you have or why you don't have any. Let me give you all a heads up: If you see a couple childless or with 1 or 2 children instead of saying "you only have one, or two?," look at the couple and see how they are living their lives. If they are trying their best to live the gospel and/or keep high standards, they probably have trouble trying to conceive more. So instead of being nosy and asking too many questions, it is OK to "assume" that there is a reason why they are childless or have a small family and it's really none of your business, even though I know the vast majority of you all mean well and have the best intentions, but enough already! Leave us be about it, and love us anyway. The less you pay attention to all this, the better. You will find you still have a lot more in common with us than you think even though we don't have as many children as you do, or have any at all.
Que Sera, Sera. If we get pregnant and I actually don't miscarriage, we'd be thrilled. If don't, we have a wonderful son that brings us as much joy as any 10 kids could and I am OK with that. I've quite asking why and I am going to just live.
My next quest is to lose about 70 pounds, I hope to lose it by the end of this year. Bring it on! Without the fertility drugs messing me up I should be able to achieve my goal.
So don't be sad for me because I am not. And don't say your sorry, because it is OK. I have a great life, a fantastic husband who works so hard for us and is a wonderful man. And I have Jake, my little buddy and the reason I get up in the morning. I have a job where I make people's lives better and truly make a difference! I have the gospel of JESUS CHRIST to guide me through troubled waters and a family that is forever.
I've now jumped off my soapbox to level ground. Boy, that was good to get off my chest!
Below is my latest cancer healing photo. It was taken last week. Remember no tears or feeling sorry for me. There is no need......
4 weeks after surgery.
